Resilience is the capacity to inhabit crisis without being possessed by it. Certain setbacks are especially destabilizing because they refuse to respond to our standard coping mechanisms, support structures, or emotional flexibility. In such setbacks, we find that our attention simply cannot disengage from the setback itself. In these moments, we rarely react solely to what actually happened. Failures can surface what we were secretly relying on our success to protect us from: the intolerable…